03.18.20: Role reversal: keeping our parents safe.
The unexpected terror and burden of trying to convince parents about the severity of the COVID crisis.
đ° The Topic
Keeping our parents safe.
This weekend I sent out a tweet about something I was personally struggling with, beyond the obvious of school closures and WFH and general life upheaval:
Convincing my parents that yes, they too, had to stop going places like dinners, work, and even the grocery stores. That contractors for a long-planned renovation needed to be postponed.
Itâs been a struggle. Not because theyâre ignorant or unduly stubborn. But because theyâve seen and lived through so much that this seems like âyet another thing weâll get throughâ. Especially for my immigrant parents that have endured so much hardship in their lifetime.
And Iâm terrified. Iâve followed the mortality rates vigilantly, first to confirm how much danger my kids were in. But as the data started to pour in, the numbers became startlingly clear and yes, terrifying:
And it looks like Iâm not alone. From the outpouring of responses, it seems that so many of us are struggling with the same thing.
So here are the 3 best things Iâve found from the suggestions that have helped with my own parents:
âïžHave a two-way dialogue about the data. Instead of a one-way lecture (as I had been doing to date), make it a conversation about the information youâve seen and what theyâve come across. Talk about what it means and why this is different than what they might have encountered in the past. Things are changing so fast that itâs hard for everyone to stay on top of the latest.
đżMake it specific. As long as I talked in generalities, my parents agreed in principle. It wasnât until I started talking about the specifics - a funeral, the contractors, the workplace, that it really started to sink in. Talking about in terms of the very real changes theyâll need to make has started to make it really sink in.
đ€Steady and persistent. Itâs taken many conversations. And I figure itâll take many more. But now that itâs a dialogue, Iâve found it a lot easier to start working through the layers and layers of shock and acceptance. But I can see itâll still take some work yet.
But thatâs okay - Iâm not sure Iâve fully accepted or comprehended the full changes on our lives, and Iâve been immersed in the data and stories for weeks. How can I expected everyone else around me to have?
The point is we all have our responsibility to try. To get through with patience, understanding and persistence.
𧰠The Tools.
Focus on the 3 actions: 1. đŠwash hands with soap 2. đ§€stop touching face and 3. đđŒextreme social distancing (in most parts of the country, this means quarantines at home).
đ„Motivate with extra social time: weâve set my parents up with a Facebook Portal and promised nightly bedtime video calls. That makes the lack of in-person visits maybe a little less drastic. But this has been so hard, especially on the kids who adore their grandparents.
đ„Offer help: whether itâs arranging grocery delivery or if you live nearby, bringing them the things they need, make it easier to not have to take unnecessary risks.